Parking Vultures

In the animal kingdom, there is still a lot of species that are yet to be discovered.
Who knows what dwells at the bottom of the ocean, or what lives deep in the jungle or maybe what has survived and has made a home inside a volcano

But, in the words of Tim Curry in Home Alone 2 "I made the discovery!"

I have seen this species before, but today more so than any day, the Parking Vulture showed up in full force.

I went to Vaughan Mills Mall today to try my luck at some boxing day shopping. Bad idea. I ended up parking quite a ways away and found myself walking for what seemed like an eternity to get into this mall. For the record, I'm not a fan of walking.

Inside was a mess. Lines everywhere, too many people in the halls, dumb people just stopping for no reason in the middle of the hall blocking everything. I probably had to slam on the brakes about 300 times in the span of 100 yards. Terrible. I couldn't take it any more. I had to leave. This led to me running into many parking vultures on my way back to my mile away Jeep.

The parking vulture is native to any jammed parking lot of shopping malls, sporting events, concerts, festivals and anywhere else it is impossible to find parking.

Introduced to world around the same time whenever the mega mall was introduced to society, the parking vulture seeks it's prey in a very obvious fashion. Awaiting near the door of the structure, the parking vulture follows its prey from the door all the way to their vehicle. The parking vulture then signals intensely and awaits the prey to pull out of the parking spot before swinging in victorious. Parking vulture then gloats brief, puts its head down and runs inside.

The more evolved parking vultures will even offer rides to the prey to their vehicles. (Well at least it would make sense to do that when you are looking for a spot on a busy day. Find someone walking out, give'em a lift to their car take their spot) This proves that the parking vulture is not a total caveman of a species but actually shows promise in its evolution. That is, until there is a dispute over prey.

Parking vultures are often found fighting and arguing with their kin. Disputes over prey often result is profanity and "flipping of birds". In rare occasions, parking vultures can resort to violence and sometimes to vandalism. Depending on the nature of dispute of course.

There is a way to outsmart to prehistoric parking vulture. Simply keep switching between lane ways. The parking vulture will become too frustrated from following you lane to lane that they will call off their search and look for another prey. If you do find yourself the victim of a parking vulture, just get in your vehicle and get out of there as fast as possible. If you feel like agitating the parking vulture, sit in your car, text a bunch of people, make a couple calls, review what you bought, take a nap, order a pizza, and then head home. You run the risk of bodily harm though.