Private Train to the City of Atlantis

So, Kim Jong Il died


National Post decided to quote some of his funniest lies to the people of North Korea


National Post Article: Click Here to Read


Of course I felt compelled to enlighten everyone with those amazing tales from Kim Jong Il


"picked up a golf club for the very first time, and - as witnessed by 17 security guards and reported by the state news agency - shot a smooth 38-under-par round of 34, including 11 holes-in-one.

And never again played the game" 

Best I have ever scored on a golf course is roughly 3 times what Kim scored on his very first round. But then again, I also don't kill people or dump them in shark tanks when they don't do what I say 

" had died of severe mental and physical overexertion while travelling on his luxurious private train en route to the lost city of Atlantis."

And no, it's not that unreal resort that is in Bahamas, or wherever, he's talking about the actually myth of the lost city of Atlantis. That must be a nice business meeting. Smash 11 hole in ones and then crush some brewskis and wingers under water at Atlantis while riding in style on a private train. 

"His delegation was scheduled to have met with the American music star Elvis Presley on Sunday, but instead, the leader's son and presumed successor, Kim Jong-un, will stand in for his father at the dedication of the legendary 76-year-old singer's new North Korean Rock'n Roll theme park and water slide, Fun In Acapulco."

Elvis and a water slide... Man, that's amazing. Can start my own country? Run it the way he did, bring Elvis back from the dead and have a water slide open? I'm so down. Might as well bring back Johnny Cash and John Wayne just so I can have some old red-blooded Americans shoot shit up I slide down the water slide. Plus then I know I got some serious muscle behind me. Might as well resurrect some sharp shooters while we'll at it. And bring in Clint Eastwood just so I can talk about my Clint collection 

"He is said to have had a personal library of some 20,000 foreign films, including the complete James Bond series. His favourite all-time flick was Caddyshack."

I hope this isn't a lie cause that is awesome 

Now the whole time I'm reading this, I just keep thinking what would the guys from Team America have to say about this recent event?

Bup, I don't know. Here's their version on Kim Jong Il singing. Plus I heard Kim Jong Il just swept the Grammy's.